Personality vs. Character: Not Mistaking One for the Other

It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to write, and life has had a way of keeping me on my toes. My son has changed jobs twice (almost a third time), one of my oldest childhood friendships came to an abrupt end, and what I thought was a solid adult friendship dissolved practically overnight. And yet, here I am—maybe a little more aware, but definitely carrying new wisdom and sharper insights. Take them or leave them, but they’re hard-earned.

This reflection was sparked by a personal experience while onboarding a new employee, maybe 10 or so days back. I remember being excited—this person walked into the interview with wit, energy, and altogether the right touch of charm. You know the type: quick smile, confident presence, all the signals that make you think, Yes, this is the one. But then came the inner caution flag. I had to remind myself how dangerously easy it is to confuse personality with character, and how critical it is to know the difference.

The Difference

Here’s the hard truth: personality is easy to read. We’re all natural-born experts at it. In minutes, we size people up: funny, extroverted, energetic, optimistic, confident—or, but as quickly, too serious, lazy, negative, shy. Sometimes it takes a second or third encounter to confirm, but by then we’ve usually have enough data to say, “Ahh, right! That’s who they are.”

But here’s where we need to pump the brakes.

Character, on the other hand, is a whole different brute-beast. It takes far longer to figure out because it only shows itself in specific—and often uncommon—circumstances. Honesty, virtue, kindness, dependability… these don’t strut into a room the way personality does. Funny enough, research shows personality traits are generally hardwired, shaped by heredity, and pretty much fixed for life. Character, however, is built on beliefs—like whether honesty or treating others goodly truly matters. Those beliefs can change, but not without serious work and self-awareness. That’s what makes character harder to spot, but far more telling in the long run.

I'm feeling emboldened to say here about character, and why it would be easy to recognize, I mean, after all, the greatness of what it is, for example, is built into the word. Let's face it, it's rare, uncommon, but more important rests in the heart of a man. I mean, who can see that? Behind all those layers of skin, flesh, and bone, not to mention the unseen walls of protection and deflection. But I digress.

Why This Matters

Here’s where we get ourselves into trouble: we see someone who’s charming, confident, and fun, and our brains automatically fill in the blanks—assuming they must also be honest, kind, and trustworthy. Spoiler alert: one does not equal the other. I’ve written before about listening to your inner voice, and this is where it matters most. Misreading personality for character can wreck friendships, partnerships, and yes, even hiring decisions.

When it comes to relationships that really count—employees, friends, lovers, spouses—personality alone can be a flashy distraction. Character is the backbone, the thing that holds up when life applies pressure.

To sum it all up, don’t get me wrong, personality isn’t irrelevant. It makes life interesting, it colors first impressions, and it can open doors. But if we’re smart, we won’t let it blind us. When deciding who to let into critical roles in our lives, character has to carry at least equal weight—peradventure even more.

As for that new hire? Thankfully, the references lined up with what I hoped for, and over time she proved herself to be as solid as her character endorsements suggested. In that case, I got it right. But the lesson stands: personality will introduce someone to the room, but character keeps them in it.

CDLR